Travels: Laos, here we come!!

december 19, 08 friday
4:42pm
WOOT!

All packed up and ready for tomorrow's trip.

The flight is on Thai Airways (Business Class - J's work is paying, as part of his contract!!) and it departs KLIA at 7.55am. Which means, we need to have the cab pick us up at 5.30am and send us to Sentral.

We'll make a stop-over at Bangkok International for a few hours, and then off we go on another Thai Airways flight to Vientiane. We should be reaching Vientiane by 1pm. That's not so bad. I think it'll be an interesting flight.

J's coming home from Singapore tonight and then we're packing whatever's left, get some sleep and rise really early tomorrow.

This will be the longest trip I've taken so far. Usually, I'd be gone for just 1 week. This trip is for 2 weeks. I hope the cats will be OK and that brother Jen will take good care of them. I've stocked up on their food and have done the necessary cleaning up around the house.

I'll also be out of circulation for this 2 weeks, since neither J nor I are taking our laptops with us. So the updates will come after we get back on Jan 4th next year.

So off we go on our little adventure in Laos!! Happy holidays!!

xoxo,

New look!

december 19, 08 friday
12:10am
Yeah, the blog has 'new skin'. Lemme tell you, it was hell trying to make sense of the change and the process took me 3 hours!! Just to find a template I liked, and then to download the sucker. I went back and forth, back and forth. I tell you, I am completely useless at this!! Buuuut! I managed to change the layout, although it took me the whole darn afternoon!!

I am mighty proud of myself and love the new look!! Then, it took me the whole night to change the settings until I was satisfied with the overall look. My eye balls are dancing right now, my back is aching and my head is spinning. My throat is dry, as if I have been talking that whole time!! My neck hurts too from looking at the computer screen for soooo long.

If I had to do it all over again (touch wood!!), I don't think I am able to. I still have no idea how I got this far!!

I am so tired! And I think my butt has fallen asleep too!! haha

xoxo,

Puss@Work

december 18, 08 thursday
2.25pm
Ever since I cleared out the cobwebs from this corner of my room, I've been spending most of my free time at this table. In a previous blog, I talked about how I turned this corner into my 'beauty corner', where I added a few plastic drawers to store my collection of makeup.

But lately, I've noticed how the small orange plastic drawers I had were getting too small for my growing beauty stash, so today, I went out and bought bigger drawers. My makeup items are now sitting comfortably it their respective drawers without having to squeeze for space!!

So here's an updated look on my work station:

(Aiyah! I forgot to include the mirror in this picture! Oh! Well!)

This area has turned into more than a vanity table - it's where I do most of the banking stuff, jotting down notes, budgeting, surfing the 'net, etc. And yes, most times, it is this tidy!!

So it's more than a beauty corner, it's also now my work station!

I bet you Husband J won't even notice!! He's in Singapore, by the way, and will be back tomorrow night.

And then, we're off on our little adventure in Laos!!

*yaay!*

xoxo,

Moon's bigger!

december 12, 08 friday
10.32pm
Was out with Husband J and good friend Robbie tonight, and was told that "the moon is bigger tonight".

Huh??

Tonight, the moon moved out of its orbit by 10%, therefore it is closer to earth than usual, so it appears bigger. The last "big moon" was sighted some 15 years ago. And the ocean must be very choppy tonight too - great night for fishing out crabs and prawns!! Not that I am anywhere near the sea to do so!!

The moon does appear larger tonight, and brighter. It was awesome!! So beautiful!!

xoxo,

Travels:Laos Weather? Oops!

december 10, 08 wednesday
11.17pm
OK. Here I am, excited as hell over my impending trip to Laos. I really like that husband J and I have started travelling during the X'mas and New Year holidays. Sure beats spending the hols in KL. Go to a place that is far removed from the craziness of the holidays.

So I have put aside all the clothes I want to bring to Laos, mostly tank tops and my 'backpacking' pants, when J rung me up this evening and told me to check on the weather. The weather!! I keep thinking South East Asia = hot and humid all year round. WRONG!! An ex-colleague warned it could be chilly. Dang! I don't want to lug sweaters around!!


Apparently, from November to February the temperature is cool and humid, it gets as high as 30 degrees Celsius and drops to about 14 at night/late mornings. This is the best time to be visiting Laos. So J suggested, one (or two!) jeans, and a light jacket/jumper. I can still run around with my tank tops during the day!! Slight adjustments with the clothing arrangement, nothing too severe!! I think I can live with that, for now!!

xoxo,

Travels: Planning for Laos!!

december 9, 08 tuesday
6.10pm
When Husband J and I were tossing names of countries we'd like to visit, Laos was not even in the list. There were Cuba (too far!), Maldives (for some unknown reason, J's never keen on this island), Mumbai (thought it would be cheap now after the terrorist attack!), and Sri Lanka. Out of all that, Sri Lanka looked like a possibility. Then, we checked the weather. Monsoon. Typhoon. Politically still unstable. Sigh. Back to the drawing board..

Laos was casually thrown in during a conversation. Yes! Laos!! Why not?? J and I had so much fun last year in Cambodia, we thought it would be great to do it all over again this time in neighbouring Laos!! Plus it's nearby, it's cheap, and I don't need a visa!! WOOT! I love hassle-free travelling. (J has to get his on-arrival for USD40). J has been to Vientiane a few years ago. It would be great to go back and see how much development Laos has gone through. Like Cambodia last year, J was in awe at how much the country has progressed since his last visit (about the same time he visited Laos).


We are going to spend 2 weeks in Laos. 2 weeks on the road with J. Hmmmm...Buuuuut, we'll be alright! We always survived! More like J always survived me!! tee hee This will also be my first time backpacking. Well, maybe not 100% backpacking, but we reckon some places are catered mostly for backpackers and budget travellers.

My challenge I'm throwing to myself this holiday, is to stop the drama and be an enjoyable travel partner to my poor husband. So, we'll see how this goes..

I am so excited that I've already planned out the clothes. I took out all the tops I want to wear for this trip, and from there, started trimming. And it ended up looking like this:

Does that look like travelling light?? I think so. I don't know. I always over pack. I always end up with clothes I don't wear. I doubt I'll do much shopping, so hopefully all that (above) is enough. Just a couple more undies and my toiletries, than I'm done. Err...I hope!!

We'll find out how this all progresses. Though I suspect J will shake his head at the sight of my planned wardrobe!! And he'll say: there's laundry, babe!

eheh.

xoxo,

Beware of the 'M' Bear

december 3, 08 wednesday
4.03pm
Just for sh!ts and giggles...

It's the Masturbating Bear!! I first saw him when he was somewhat a feature on Late Night with Conan O'Brian 12 years ago, and I still loved him 'till today. The bear was hilarious, obscene, rude and crude. But of course!

That's why he's my favourite bear!! *LOL*

xoxo

Smiling Moon

december 1, 08 monday
10.41pm
It's the first day of the final month of the year, and as usual, there will almost always be some kind of disaster to close the year. This year is no exception. The end of 2008 saw bloody attacks on civilians in Mumbai, India, locals and foreigners. It is so sad.

But today, the first day of December, the moon is smiling. Thought it would be interesting to document this. I didn't take a picture, because it was too far (or I am too short!), and my camera is not able to do it justice. But it looks like this:

There were also 2 bright stars at the top of the 'smile', making it look like a smiling face!!

Perhaps the worst is behind us? Here's hoping that we can look forward to a happy 2009!

xoxo

Hi! I'm 'DJ Wanker'!

november 30, 08 sunday
2.40pm
OK, first thing's first. I HATE being called "DJ XXXX"!! I don't know why or how that term came about but it made me sound like a wanker! I was on radio for 12 years, but I was never a DJ. I was an announcer, because I never spanned discs. I produced and prepped my own programmes and was a paid working professional on payroll. I didn't work on a gig-to-gig basis. This was a full-time job. I cringed whenever people add the moronic term "DJ" before my name. Eew!


I have been unemployed for almost 6 months now (groan!), so imagine my surprise when Adek's girlfriend Haidi rung me up asking if she and some of her classmates wanted to interview me, as part of their celebrity assignment. They are students of fashion designing. I almost barfed. Celebrity?? I thought out of sight, out of mind. But Haidi assured me I am still remembered. Hmm. I said OK and set the date.


All 7 of them came. Shy. Quiet. Tongue tied. C'mon! You get to meet a 'celebrity', here's your chance - talk! Ask questions! Something!! It was so typical of Malaysian students. This whole 'being shy' b/s is old! Why can't our students talk?? Present themselves? Have confidence?? I was a bit annoyed that they were under-prepared as well, besides being shy. Only Haidi spoke. Even that she was quite unprepared - kept asking her group what else to ask?? I forgot. I remember when I was doing interviews for projects at college, and later on-air, I always had 10 questions prepared. Most times I never finished all 10 questions, because I'd go with where the conversation was taking me. But when I got stuck, I had that piece of paper with me. I was never unprepared for an interview. The whole thing made me feel I wasn't important enough for them to research and to prepare.

Good luck to them on their project. There were so many questions I thought they could've asked. They were fashion-related, they could've gotten a lot out of me.

Haidi came back in the evening and gave me a box of cupcakes the group bought for me, with "Thank you DJ XXXX" scribbled on it. I thought that was sweet. If only they didn't add the "DJ" before my name...The cupcakes were adorable, but sickly sweet, as I was never a fan of icing, and it was all icing!!

What a great idea for a gift!! I will certainly get this if I needed to buy food for guests or the host.

xoxo

The BIG Weekend Project

november 29, 08 saturday
10pm
Although this project was 3 weekends ago...

OK. Here's what usually happens on the weekends, be it Saturday or Sunday (because one of the days we get to sleep in!) :

9am wake up!/mandi/clean up and feed cats/wake up Husband J
10am pick up cleaners
11am in Bangsar/Kiara/FAM for breakfast and/or lunch
1p home

Pretty much a routine. So husband J's 'light bulb' switched on. Why not we re-paint the room!! OMG! What a brilliant idea!! NOT!

Anyway. I found myself at the DIY store nearby refusing to committ picking out colours. After all, I am completely clueless where interior designing (?) is concerned. Plus, I don't want to make-over the room! That means changing things around and I am never too crazy about changes. I'm like a cat, changes make me feel....ermmm...unstable. OK. That didn't sound right, but you get what I mean.

So the whole (late) afternoon, I pretty much stayed out of the way while J filled the cracks and sandpapered the walls. Now, J said it would take him the weekend to get the job done. Well, if you start work, like, at 4pm, it would be impossible to finish the job, no?? J started grumbling to the tune of: if 2 people do the work, we'd finish faster. Eh?? Didn't we agree for me to stay out of the way? The room was in a complete mess with dust, paint stains, newspapers and furniture everywhere. For a bit, looking at the state of my bedroom, I was beginning to think this was a baaaaad idea.


I picked up a roller and rolled new coat of paint on the walls. That was my first time ever painting walls. I was not optimistic. It didn't look like we were going to finish it over the weekend. We spent 3 nights sleeping in one of the rooms upstairs (thank God this house has many rooms!!) and were struggling to get the room finished as soon as possible.


We ended up finishing the walls and cleaning up the room in 4 days, which included pushing the furniture back where they belonged.

I was initially upset that J painted the window grills as well, as I wanted them to remain black. Buuuuut..it turned out quite...classy.

Now, we have a room with clean walls with some colour! We had white walls and they were awful! I HATE white walls!!

Hmm. J did a good job! Whaddya know! Our room really looks like.... a room! Nice!


xoxo

Sleeping Beauty

november 27, 08 thursday
7.08pm

What a beautiful sight!

That's Raisa. Russian Blue. 16 years old. Female. Smart. Graceful. Loyal. We adopted her when she was only 3 months old. She is the first cat in our family after a long time, and has since outlived almost all of the other cats we had. The fat male cat, Mok is her great great grandson, and yet they can't get along. Well, the truth is, Raisa is terrified of Mok, and Mok just wants to play. Being too old for childish games, Mok gets hissed at, or worse, slapped!! tsk tsk!!

During her younger days, Raisa has mysteriously disappeared for a week, twice, and up until now, we still have no idea where she went. But she's managed to find her way back home. Unbelievable! I think Raisa thinks she's a dog!!

She's fiercely loyal to my brother, Jen, and knows who loves her (a.k.a feeds her). I am always greeted at the door by this graceful lady. And she waits up for brother Jen to come back home.

At 16 years old (human years), she's still as graceful, polite and obsessively clean. She can spend hours grooming herself!

This lady sure ages gracefully.

So when I grow up (*ahem! old*), I want to be just like Raisa!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

november 20, 08 thursday
9.44am

That was the exact question when I looked in the mirror these past few days! Ever since my facial session with my long-time facialist, Faza, a week ago, my skin has been acting up. I hate to think that Faza's amazing facial kills are not so amazing for my skin anymore. I've been trusting my face to her for 7 years now, and have never had a problem.

But I did slap on my new BB Cream from Etude House I bought recently. My skin went amok after that. I'm trying to console myself: maybe it's the BB Cream, because as much as I want to jump in onto the rave on BB Creams, maybe it's not for my skin. So after the third attempt at slathering on BB Cream in hopes of better skin, I am passing on the tube to Haidi, Adek's girlfriend. Maybe it'll work better for her since she's young.

This morning, my skin looks a little behaved. The big red zit on my left cheek has subsided, the small pimple-scar below the right side of my mouth has calmed down, and the other smaller pimples which were about to flare up, scattered above my lips and on my nose seem to have shrunk. Thank God!! My skin looks a little smoother today. All thanks to mum's aloevera gel and that marvelous calamine lotion!!

So I'm hoping for better skin tomorrow. Or else I won't be able to face the mirror tomorrow!!

Fingers crossed!!

Smile!!

november 19, 08 wednesday
9.02am
Some people have commented, ever since I left radio, my face is calmer, my demeanor is calmer and I seemed to smile more!!

I was aware I hardly ever smiled at work, because my ex-colleagues told me. I always looked pissed off. That was why I was never really popular at work, or deemed friendly by my ex-colleagues. I don't know why. That place never made me happy. The people never made me happy. I didn't find any reason to smile I guess.

But these days, my life is a little less stressful, and I don't have to deal with primadonna morons anymore. So I think that's a reason to smile. I'm still quite the ice queen, mind you, but the 'ice' has slowly melted.


I also found a whole new reaction when I do smile - people are more receptive towards you! The world seemed a friendlier place. OK, I know that's so cliche, but it's true! Take it from someone who hardly ever smiled!!

So smile! It doesn't cost a cent!!

*The chesire cat - one my favourite cartoon characters. Love his smile (grin?)!*

Gurl Pow-wow

november 18, 08 tuesday
3.42pm

There's a reason why I don't have very many friends, particularly female friends. We tend to back-stab each other, and the politics among women take a whole new meaning. I've had a learning experience when it comes to having close female friends...when there's more than 3 in the group you confide in, there's bound to be trouble.

It's no secret having close female friends whom you get to see every weekend, is a joy. The bond shared between women can never be compared with. We understand the challenges women go through, at work, with husbands/boyfriends, with kids, with the in-laws, etc. There's nothing like having a gaggle of girls who really understand and sympathise with what your going through. A little different than the boys...They just go, "Relax bro! Come, have a beer!" Where else with women, you get the undying emotional support you fail to get from the guys.

I've been in that situation too, where I thought this couldn't be any more perfect...I have lots of girlfriends, and I'm never short of love and support. Who needs men when you have your gurls?? During my difficult years, I admit my girlfriends were my strength. Hanging out with them made my life a little bearable and the challenges in my life at the time a little easier. As the years passed, other men entered the picture as boyfriends....and that was when the "all-girl pow-wow" slowly turned sour. Especially when your not too keen on the guy your girlfriend is dating. Or when she keeps bringing him along to the pow wows. You're thinking, him again. Doesn't he have his own friends?? All of a sudden there's all you girls...and one guy. And there goes the fun. When you tell your girlfriend, she either sulks or decides not to bring him the next time. Eventually, she stops hanging out with you girls too.

What's worse, is when you start bitching about your other girlfriend(s). Women are worst at keeping secrets. We must tell. The stories will come out, and the back stabbing/politics begin...she says you, you say her. And you stop hanging out together. What started out as a close network of girls having a good time, ended up turning into a group of girls who loathe each other. This is why most women have little friends. Unlike guys who can hate each other but still go out for drinks together. They're not emotional creatures, and don't take anything to heart. Unlike us women, we bruise easily.

I was having lunch with my long-time friend Ain today. She's one of my very few girlfriends I can trust and depend on, and she is fiercely loyal to our friendship, which I truly appreciate. She's recently re-connected with a bunch of girls from school (whom I know too) and they have developed a strong friendship over a few months, sharing even their deepest secrets with each other and getting unconditional support. Two of the girls popped by, and as they yakked and laughed away, I couldn't help thinking how long this new found closeness is going to last. They have repeatedly invited me to join them for lunches/dinners/holidays etc. I keep coming up with excuses mainly because I have never been comfortable around new people. It takes me a while to warm up. I am reluctant to be a part of this group, because somehow, deep inside I know how this is all going to end. I don't want to be part of that anymore. Though I love to see women like them together, I have lost faith that they will be close friends forever. Family will get in the way. Or work will take you away. Or the internal politics I see in so many female circles, will destroy the friendship. And soon, you drift away, and eventually become strangers.

I am happy they have found each other. But I am also happy to have lunch/dinner/coffee with just one or two girlfriends, at a time.

Women can be your best friends...but they also can be your worst enemy. I sincerely hope these bunch of girls prove me wrong, and be best friends forever.
*smirk*

xoxo

War wounds. NOT!

november 15, 08 saturday
It's a wonder how I constantly attract mosquitoes. Old Malay folks say it's because I have "sweet blood". Whatever. I looked it up - it's either because of your natural scent or some scent your wearing. Usually, at home, I go au natural. So it must be my natural scent.

It's annoying. And I have the tendency to scratch and scratch.... and before you know it, I've ripped out the top layer(s) of my skin. And what do you have?? Little scabs on my legs the next morning!! Gone were the days when I had smooth sexy legs. I have only pictures now to serve my memory of what gorgeous legs I had. Sure, they were not long, but damn! They were tanned and flawless!!

These days, my legs look like I've gone to war and come back!! They're so ugly!! I remember when I had to do a promo shoot for the radio station, I had to wear a short-ish coat. My legs were bare. And my co-host pointed out I should wear stockings or put body make-up on to camouflage my scars!

Tonight, I did it again - scratched like there's no tomorrow. Husband J is right here with me, and I don't see him being bitten by the nasty mossies. I do! It's unfair!! And I have once again added another "war wound" on my legs!

How do I instill fear in these mossies?? (I sure know how to do that with kids...)

Or how do I "unsweetened" my blood??

Mercyyyyyyyy!!!!!

november 3, 08 monday
Oii!

Have mercy on me!!

Today was my first day back at the gym. This time, I am at a new gym, so Trainer Ela helped me out with registration, which was virtually no fuss, and paid Ela in full amount for 12-sessions training this month. Had to update his paperwork as well, since I did undergo surgery.

So I was as gung-ho as ever. He took my measurements - I didn't 'expand' too much, took my weight....whoa! That's all?? I know I've put on weight, so I must've have been skinnier a month ago. Eew. This is the skinniest I've been, and I know it's because I've lost all my muscle mass. Sigh. My body fat percentage is normal. Hummmpphh. I wished I could see some positive changes in that! I did my flexibility test - struggled! That was kinda hard. And painful!! I am so stiff!!

And then Ela put me on the bike. Level 2, by the 7th minute I was huffing and puffing. By the 15th, I wanted to drop and die. This is torture! Ela had to drop to level 1!! I was determined to complete the 20 minutes. And so I peddled and peddled, and huffed, and was sweating...

My mouth felt dry. Need water... need water...Oii!! Help!!

How did I do this 2 months ago?? Ah yes....I was fit as a fiddle!! By the time the timer hit 20 minutes, I was ready to drop on the floor!! I can't believe how unfit the 2 months of recuperating has made me!! What's worse, I had to peddle for another 2 more minutes, on level 1, to cool down. That was like a total of 22 minutes on the bike!!!! Oiii!!

The whole session took about an hour, stretched myself and my legs felt like they've been pulled in many directions!! I got home, and on the bed I stayed! I am so tired!!

My next session is on Wednesday, and that's when we start the programme. I am appalled at my fitness level. So I hope it won't take too long for Ela to whip me back in shape.

For today, I am just going to chill...and hope that I won't get up with aches and pains tomorrow.

Dang! I feel like I just ran a marathon!!

Ready, Set...

november 2, 08 sunday
It's been over 2 months since my surgery, and honestly, the recuperating period has seized almost all activities that kept me busy. Now, I'm back into most of them again, and tomorrow, I'm starting my first session again at the gym with Trainer Ela.

I. Can't. Wait.

In my 4 years of gym-going, this is the longest break I've taken. I've shrunk. Put on fat around my belly (where else!) and have gotten back my 'chicken wings'.

sigh

Tomorrow is also my first day at the new gym. Sister Maz is quite happy with the machines and such. Anything is better than Clark Hatch Hilton PJ, I suppose. So I am looking forward to tomorrow's session, although Ela is just going to do an assessment and show me the machines. Will take less than a hour.

I'm happy to be back.

I feel like a pot-bellied pig.

Any longer, I'll look like a pot-bellied pig!!

sigh

I want my toned body back!!

This is how you do it..

october 31, 08 friday
If there's power struggle at home or at work, and you want to be the one on top, body language is very important!

Check out the crossed position of Mok's hands....

Now you know who wears the pants in my family...

Introducing: My beauty corner!!

october 30, 08 thursday
I was a busy busy bee today. I scrubbed and organised my way to creating my own "beauty space"!! Here's what I'm talking about..

Taa-daa!!

I have been thinking about having a space for me to do my makeup because, honestly, fighting with husband J for the wall mirror when we both need to get ready, is not funny.

Then there's this abandoned computer table at the corner of the room, rotting/collecting dust/eating space, and acts as a dumping ground for papers, keys, unused sun glasses and handbag, the gym bag, computer bags, software CDs, husband J's printer/scanner, etc. etc. etc.

So this morning, the light bulb "switched on".

And so I spent my morning wiping off the 10-inches-or-so of dust on the floor, on and behind the table, vacuumed (the entire room - why not) and moped the entire floor with Dettol. Threw away a bunch of stuff that should've been trashed years ago, and rearranged my plastic drawers filled with my makeup stuff.

I'm so happy I get to put that computer table to good use!! And the room smells so fresh and clean!!

As you can see, tonnes of space left on the table...can buy more plastic drawers ( = more makeup)!!!

I'm a freakin' genius!!

xoxo

DEEEEE!!!!

october 29, 08 wednesday
I was going through some old college notes one day. I was impressed with some of my work!! It was obvious which classes I liked and which classes I disliked. That put a smile on my face as I jogged down memory lane. I regretted I didn't keep all my class notes for the 4 years I was in the US. But among the pile of papers, I found a piece of note with a hand-written poem, unsigned.

I instantly knew who it was from, despite it being unsigned. And I remember when it was given to me.

I was friends with this guy called Dennis. I used to call him "Dee", just for fun. Dee obviously had a thing for me because he was constantly trying to be around me. And he looked like he enjoyed my teasing him. Dee was also intrigued at the way I danced. I was a little exhibitionist at the time, loved showing off on the dance floor. I thought I was a fantastic dancer, but God knows what the other folks thought!! But I didn't care!! We became fast friends and soon enough Dee looked like he was smitten. At college, I was quite popular. Especially with the boys. I had them practically eating out of my hands. My college years were predominantly about boys, boys and more boys! I had more male friends than I did female friends, I knew I was cute and I worked it, and enjoyed the attention. And Dee was giving me a lot of attention!!

But I wasn't interested, not so much at least. But I failed to tell Dee that. So I lead the poor boy on. I think he knew there could never be anything more with me, so he wrote me a poem. I remember reading it and thanked him, and stuffing it in one of the files.

After a while, Dee became a tad bit frustrated when he constantly saw me on campus with a guy. I was always with some guy. Walking, talking, having lunch. That was me at college. It bothered him. And he made it clear to me. That was a turning point...because I remember feeling a little suffocated. So I did what I use to do best back then - avoid the poor boy...like the plague! I came back to KL for summer hols, went back to Wichita and didn't call him. When Dee found out, he was livid. I was indifferent. (I was already interested in someone else).

So that was pretty much the end of Dee in my young college life.

Today, when I read the poem, I felt so much guilt for being such a... b!tch. His only mistake then was to fall in love with me. I felt bad. I wish I knew better back then how to treat people. The poem was sad, and many years on, I finally understood what he was trying to tell me. He was heartbroken. He was in pain, because he could never have me. I didn't see it then.

I thought I should search him, and I thought if I can't find him on FB, then I've lost him. Lo and behold!! Dee's on FB. I shot him a message. He wrote back. We chatted. It was good. He was as excited as I was that we reconnected.

He's in LA now as a microbiologist, has a 10 year-old daughter and has a gorgeous lady. I'm so happy he's doing well. And I'm so happy to be back in touch with him.

I don't have many regrets in my life, but if I could turn back time, I would have been a bit more honest and not hurt him the way I did. We can only learn from our past mistakes. And hope not to repeat them in the future.

xoxo

The true meaning of unconditional love..

october 28, 08 tuesday

If only all men really understand what love is...

El Hub is 35!!

october 27, 08 monday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HUSBAND J!!

All of 35 and looking hotter than ever!! Purrrr......

This year, I had grand plans of re-doing J's closet. But a conversation with friend Ain made me change my mind. She said, "Make him feel like a man, buy a drill!", and so I did. I wanted to get him a fancy-shmanchy one with 1001 bolts and attachments, and that comes with its own carrier, but the ones I saw were waaay over my budget, so I grabbed the one below. I had it wrapped up and all, which got him all excited when I gave him the Box of Mystery.



J was so delighted to find out it was a drill and I was so happy that he liked it!


My plans continued with dinner, of course. I wanted to do the whole candlelight dinner with flowers, but today is Deepavali, and so the flower vendors near my house would be close for the celebration.

I decided to make Baked Macaroni with Eggplant, which I took from a pasta cookbook sister Maz recommended not too long ago. I was excited!! There were a lot of ingredients though. More than what I'm used to.

I ended up not preparing enough eggplants, but still, it turned out fantastic! J loved it, Mom loved it, little brother liked it, and I thought it was pretty good!! YAY!! I added some cili api for husband J ;)

For desert, we had cheesecake. J is known not to like deserts very much, so this was a bit tricky. But he loves his cheese and so I ordered a cheesecake from Latest Recipe at LeMeridien KL. It cost a bomb (for a medium-sized cheesecake!!), but it tastes heavenly!! The best so far!!

J received a few birthday phone calls from home which made him very very happy. And he said this was a good day for him. Auwwww......

Oh. And he also put his new toy to good use - he fixed the bathroom door at the back of the house!!

Mom gave him 2 long kain sarong she got from her trip to Kelantan, and that made J happy. He's always wanted a collection of sarongs. And now he has...4!!

Happy birthday Babe!!

XOXO

While you were sleeping...

october 26, 08 sunday
WHOA..

Yes, I know, it's been a month. Well, almost. I was determined to blog more than last month, seeing how the number of entries dwindled every month, but...


But look at this! What I've collected while I was "away"... tee hee

I've been lemming for some of these since forever, but now I own them!! Woo hoo!

NYX eyeshadows, eye jumbo pencils, blusher and lipglosses, Coastal Scents brushes, Neutrogena lipglosses, L'oreal HIP shadow duos and cream liners, the famed CG Lash Blast, Maybelline Define-A-Lash, L'oreal Decrease, the must-have UDPP, Milani blusher in Luminous, Revlon Illuminance cream shadows and ELF stuff: lipglosses, blushes, bronzer, facial whip shimmers, brushes (the shadow brush rocks!!) and the ELF concealer, which is a nice surprise. Decent coverage and smells lovely!!

Not shown, Neutrogena Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover, which my poor father had to look for while he was in Honolulu. It wasn't hard, it's available at any drugtores in the US. But getting a man buying anything feminine is a frightening thought. So, thank you abah!!

And while I was busy salivating over the above stuff, looked what finally came to KL...

Shiseido's drugstore brand Majolica Majorca, Styli-Style and Rimmel (although we get the Japanese line).

Nothing beats touching and feeling the products, so having these brands here is a sheer delight!!

I'd like to see NYX, Milani and ELF here, seeing that they are already available in Singapore. I'd love CoverGirl to make a comeback, and of course, Loreal's HIP line, which is wishful thinking I guess.

But still. One can still hope...

Eid Mubarrak!

october 1, 08 wednesday
It's the first day of Eid and husband J and I just got back from PD. After spending the whole day visiting relatives.

Yes. I made Mummy happy. I followed her to Rembau and Melaka. J came along. Everyone was intrigued at his height. Sat around and listened to family gossip/politics. Met up with cousins I've not met in years. Had a lot to eat. Had too much too eat. OD'd on nasi impit, rendang and the like, and Mom's nasi briyani was a nice break from the same ol' same ol'.

Drove back watching a crazy bus driver trying to run my little brother off the road. That was scary.

And now we're home. Thank God the day is over!!

Will I do the same thing again next year??

Will I be around next year??

Eid on the horizon

september 27, 08 saturday
OH MY GOD! How I loathe this time of the year!! It so bloody boring!! For some reason, the whole forgiving/visiting thing during Eid is sooooooo cliche. I dread it every year. Apart from tradition, I do the whole sorry/visiting routine to shut my mom up, so I would not end up getting all pissed off and stressed up listening to her nag. The routine of visiting relatives....what the hell is that all about?? Mom keeps telling me, I'll need them in the future...Oh puh-lease!! We hardly meet, let alone talk. They are practically strangers to me. Maybe one, or two, but the rest.... *shrugs. don't care* Plus I have my family, they're all I need. Relatives, to me, are a waste of (my) time. Just keep in touch via FB, isn't that good enough??

El hub, J, told me something which struck a chord.."the way you treat your rallies is going to come back and bite you in the ass." (*bowing head down*) Yes, it's true. *sigh* I am being mean. And arrogant. And mean.

OK. Maybe this Eid, I'll do my tour of duty. Bring J to see rallies he hasn't met yet. I'm sure J would enjoy this.

But it still doesn't change the fact that I wish Eid would end quickly. It doesn't change the fact that I still find Eid boring!! Maybe when I have children, I'll break the tradition of celebrating Eid. Eh? Eh? Eh? OK, that didn't sound like a good idea. It sounded coming out from an arrogant moron. Seeeesh!!

*sigh*

*dragging feet*

(*Hence, the short, short blog*)

Fasting! A week before Eid...

september 23, 08 tuesday
Yeah, I've only just started fasting. Today is Day 2. And Eid is next Wednesday, which means I'll only be fasting for a little over a week. It's been OK, uneventful to be precise. I don't normally sahur, but so far, I've been doing OK. No tummy ache. No headaches. Just the usual. Not feeling all that tired either.

I've been cooking faithfully since Ramadhan started 3 weeks ago. I've done it all: roast beef, roast chicken, potato gratin, steaks, pasta etc. It's scary the way I keep chugging everyday in the kitchen!! I've only gone out to the bazaar less than 5 times I think. But today, I'm going to the small Thai Fair happening at Giant Mall. We've had the tomyam noodles from there and it blew our minds!! So, today's the day where we'll have tomyam noodles again....And maybe the mango salad, a bit of somtam maybe.....hmmmmm...eyes bigger than the stomach...

It's hours away to break...I'm already hungry... Time to go buy that beehoon tomyam!!

Yumm!

Week 4 Post Surgery

september 21, 08 tuesday
Met with Dr Hamid a few days ago for a follow-up after the surgery. I've been given the "all clear". My wound is healing nicely, in fact it looks like just one line on my lower abdomen. It's amazing!! Looks more like a scratch than a cut. I'm so glad that the cut sits so low, definitely won't be visible when I have my bikini on. The doc gave me more multi-vitamin pills, folic acid and 2 months supply of clomid. Ugh! I hate hate HATE clomid!! It dries me up. It makes me extra moody. And it makes me (feel like) I'm fat!! But this time the doc seems more positive, so I guess we'll give it a go. 2 alternate months isn't bad I suppose.

Speaking of bikinis, I haven't been putting on one for like forever! I bought one white pair (I've always wanted a white bikini) during the Zara sales some months ago, and have not had the chance to wear it. The last beach-bound holiday was during Chinese New Year in February in Phuket. A few nights ago, husband J announced his desire to visit Sri Lanka and showed me gorgeous pictures of a resort on a highland. Don't make sense wearing a bikini there!!

I'm thinking of fasting this week. Which gives me 10 days of fasting this year. I feel I've healed from the surgery and that fasting the last week of Ramadhan is not going to hurt me. I can't wait to get over Eid. I find it boring and never am excited about visiting relatives... If only I can push the fast forward button...

Week 2 Post surgery

september 6, 08 saturday
My week(s) post surgery have been uneventful. Although I would like to believe that I am recovering quickly, I still have to put up with the occasional strain on my left side of the wound and more recently, pain when I have a full bladder. I'm not sure the latter is the result of the surgery, but it has been quite uncomfortable when I need to go to the bathroom.

I've been able to walk around like normal, though I can't run or lift things. I can stand in the kitchen and cook a whole meal these days, it's not a problem anymore. It's just this sudden pain when I have a full bladder, and the pain comes in small spurts. I'll be sitting watching TV or surfing, and I'll feel an uncomfortable sensation between my legs. It's a bit annoying really. And I hope I've not contacted another infection whilst trying to recover from the surgery.

My left side of the wound in still slightly swollen. Actually there's a little lump and it's a bit tender and hard to the touch. If I twist my body too much, or strain the abs muscle a bit, it'll sting.

This Monday it'll be 2 weeks. It feels like forever. I've not left then house in 2 weeks, except for the rare trip to the ATM and driving around with husband J. All I do is surf. Thank God for wireless Internet access at home!!

It's coming towards the end of the first week of Ramadhan and for obvious reasons, I am not fasting this year. So for that reason I guess I'm not feeling the whole "Ramadhan spirit" at all. And I dare to say this: I'm not looking forward to Eid either. Maybe because I'm not fasting.

All I want is to get better so I can drive around!! I hate feeling so handicapped!! Arrgh!

Just a Google away!

september 3, 08 wednesday
Staying home recovering after a minor operation gives you plenty of time to....cyber stalk!! And that's exactly what I've been doing this week or so. And what better search engine to do in all from - Google! It's a amazing what stuff it brings you!! Just type the name and voila!!

When I was about 16 years old, when things at home weren't so peaceful, I used to write short stories to escape. Reading back some of the stories I wrote, they were a fascinating insight into my teenage world. I used to write in Malay a lot when I was younger, and would send my pieces to major teenage magazines. They were never good enough to be published I guess, but my effort got the attention of the magazines' editor. I was invited to attend the very competitive and prestigious 'Minggu Remaja' where about 20 under-18 budding writers were given intensive training on technical know-how on writing. That one week was priceless. I met so many talented young writers, established writers, and learned so many new things. I met one of the former participants and was completely taken by his presence. Faizal was 3 years older and at the time, was about to leave for Canada. We took one picture together and that was all it took to get this 16 year-old completely smitten. After the workshop, I only heard from him once. Many years later after I graduated and came home to my first job, I saw his name in a Malay daily as the reporting journalist. I wasn't too surprised, Faizal didn't stray away from the writing world too much! Last night I Googled his name and to my horror, there were blogs dedicated to him - Faizal passed away last year due to diabetic complications. My heart tanked. Life is just too short..

Another Google search was to my childhood memory, Zamani. He was one of the older guys who grew up in the neighbourhood and coloured my adolescent life. I've known Zamani for ages, but we only became really good friends when I was 15 years old. We'd call each other often and talked for ages about anything. At the time, he was the funniest guy I know. Even when we lived close by and were calling each other, we would write letters! And they were hilarious!! I was so fond of that man, I went all out and made him a birthday card on his birthday!! That became the talk among the other neighbourhood guys!! And on my 16th, he baked me a chocolate cake (he was a budding chef)! He broke my heart when he told me one day (after not calling me for yonks) that he was getting married. Granted, there was never anything romantic between us, but I was devastated. I thought he would always remained mine. For some odd reason, his name suddenly popped up in my head, and so I Googled. Got an on-line diary of his (new) wife trailing back to their engagement to their wedding, their pregnancy right up to their first born daughter. I was happy for him, as I knew he struggled through his first marriage. He's doing well, runs a restaurant down south...at least this Google search brought me happy news.

My third Google search/stalking was on Shane Dennis. OK, our paths never did cross, but I had a bit of a crush on this guy!! Shane was a baseball player for Wichita State. And he was in my class. To have a Shocker baseball player in the same class was a big deal! And he was kinda cute!! Though I remember him checking me out while I was walking on campus and he was on the buggy in full baseball uniform going to the baseball pitch. That was my only claim to fame where college jocks are concerned!! And that made my day!

According to Google, Shane moved on to play major league and then to Japan to play professionally.

Now he's back at WSU with the Baseball Operations office. No idea if he's married (I'm sure he is though). Saw a 1999 picture of him and made me smile.

*image courtesy of jamd.com

Boy! College was fun!!

What a way to pass time, eh?

Homely Puss

august 30, 08 saturday
Day 5 post surgery:
I am bored as hell. All I've ever done since I came home from the hospital was....STAY HOME!! The most "outdoorsy" thing I've done so far is cleaning up the litter boxes and filling them up again. Geez! What a life!! I can't stand too long. Walk too fast or too far (like I have somewhere far to go in the house!), can't climb stairs, hard to get up after sitting down especially for a long time. I feel like an old OLD woman.

The swelling has improved a bit, but it still stings like hell if I exert myself, even a tiny bit. It's pathetic. I feel really helpless and hopeless. And I miss driving. I miss getting out of the house and getting stuck in traffic (!!!). I keep thinking "oh, need to go to the pharmacy to check this item out" and then realise I'm house-bound. It's hardly been a week, how am I going to last for a month?!! And I am slowly obsessing about my weight! I know my main priority is to heal and by that it means EAT, but I can't help myself...especially when I have a unforgiving, weight-obsessed good friend. BAH! My tummy looks horrible...from the outside. It looks bloated and swollen (probably because it is swollen!) and I haven't done the "do-do" in like 2 days! Or maybe 3! Funny thing is, I can't even suck my gut in. It'll hurt. So right now, I look like a frumpy pot-bellied housewife, in kaftans!

Can't sneeze, it'll hurt. Can't cough, it'll hurt. Can't laugh too hard, it'll hurt. Feels like the-cut-will-rip-open kinda hurt. And all that make you want to whinge and whine like an Aussie. Oops! Sorry! I mean like an old lady!!

Sigh. Healing from surgery sucks. Big time.

I wish the month would speed up. I need to get out!!

p.s: Happy 51st Merdeka to Malaysians. Tad bit quiet this year, eh??

All Cut Up

august 27, 08 wednesday
I've been seeing my trusted OB/GYN Dr Hamid for a while now in hopes to start a family with husband J. I am one of the 'lucky' women finding getting pregnant a challenging task. I've always known that pregnancy can never come easy with me, and I was almost certain that I will never be a mother. But these days, there are tonnes of options so I thought I shouldn't completely close off the idea of having my own kids. Plus, who wouldn't want children with a tall handsome husband like J??

My periods have never been regular, except for the 3 years I was on the Pill while at college. So from way back then, I knew I was infertile. My first visit to Dr Hamid some 10 years ago found me with acute PCOS with a retroverted (tilted) uterus. He couldn't find my left ovary because it was covered in cysts. I never went back to him for a follow up because I really wasn't interested to improve my fertility. 10 years later, I went back and found zero cysts (thanks to the gym!) but with the same retroverted uterus. This time, closing in on 40, I've decided to take my fertility a little serious. I told the good doctor I want to correct my uterus before I embark on another costly fertility treatment. At least if I still can't conceive after the surgery, then I know being a mother is not meant to be.

I booked a date close to when my period was due. In fact I was so sure I was going to menstruate after the surgery. But the week leading to the surgery date, I started getting nagging abdominal cramps and I panicked that I'd be getting my period when I'm on the operating table. I even had one sleepless night worrying about it!! (The surgery can't take place if you're menstruating).

After driving J up the wall with my paranoia, and with a lot of prayers, I admitted myself to Pantai Medical Centre Bangsar and prepared myself for the mini surgery. I've read up enough about the procedure that I could probably do it myself!! It'll be a 45 minute surgery, with one hour prior, to put me on general anesthetic.

Come Monday morning, the nurse instructed me to put on my surgical cap and gown and I was whisked away to the operating room. My heart was pounding but I was happy to have this finally done. I am finally taking charge of my fertility!! After waiting for what seemed like an eternity in the surgical waiting room, I was finally wheeled in and moved to the operating table. Up above me were big spotlights all shiny and clean staring down at me. Hmmm...this looks just like on TV! The anesthetician told me he was going to put me under GA and I remember as I was about to shut my eyes, I told myself "here we go!" and went to black.

When I woke up, I felt a stinging pain at the abdominal area, but I was so drugged up I went back to sleep. I woke up again when I heard someone calling my name, and the anesthetician was asking me if i wanted a jab of pain killers. I nodded, they jabbed me, and I went to sleep. I woke up again when I felt like my period was coming out and panicked that the bed was going to be soaked with blood. I reached down and to my relief felt a big fat pad wedged between my legs. Phew!

I was wheeled back in after what seemed like forever at the recovering bay, and was happy to see husband J and Dad. But I was too drugged up to carry a conversation. The first day was hard getting up to go to the bathroom, and I wanted to pee a lot that day. It was still painful to move and pretty much stayed in the same position the entire time. Best friend Liza and sister Maz came by to visit, and later on Dad, but I was too groggy to talk, and so I slept all day.

The second day Maz came in the morning to wash me. Yes, I have a wonderful sister, and for all the challenges in my life, I am still very lucky. The pain subsided a bit and I was able to walk to the bathroom myself. I felt better too. Dr Hamid came by in the morning to give me a brief rundown on the 'work' he'd done. He fixed my uterus (yay!), fixed my tubes, lasered my ovaries, small cysts, and a bit of endo, and fibroids. FIBROIDS?? I didn't know I had fibroids!! It didn't show up in the scan and x-ray I did earlier this year. He gave me the specimen in a bottle and they looked like teeth. They were benign and probably popped out only recently. Funny though, all period symptoms I had were gone, and still no period! Could the operation alter my cycle?? Mom dropped by as she only found out of my operation after coming back from her trip to Russia. We didn't want to tell her as she'll worry and spoil her holiday.

By day 3, I was cleaning myself without any help. The nurse took off the bandage to expose the wound and told me I could go home. I only received the discharge slip 6 hours later. My whole body ached from lying down too much and so I was eager to go home so I could do more walking. Plus I miss the kitties, and having my J sleeping beside me (auwwwwww!).

My left side of the wound is still swollen and it hurts when I put a little pressure on it. I still have to walk very slowly but at least now I can move around. And I know tomorrow will be better.

For now, I hope for a speedy recovery so I can go back to my normal routine as soon as possible! Most importantly, I hope I get my period... soon.

OLD!!

august 16, 08 saturday
There's nothing more that screams "OLD!" than meeting with cousins you used to carry around when they were a toddler. It's as if someone pushed the fast-forward button and you missed the good bits because you were too self involved with your own life.

Let me explain first that I have lousy family values. I don't think my extended family is important at all so I never bothered with my cousins, uncles and aunties. I am even more estranged from my dad's side of the family. It has always been extremely awkward when there are family meetings with my dad and his family. I stick out like a sore thumb. The age gap is so far apart. I am the eldest on my dad's side, and with my on-air job, I know my younger cousins all know who I am.

I was at a wedding today. One of the younger cousins got married and so off I went with sister and husband J. As usual, we were the only relations not on the floor helping out ushering guests, we were the guests!! As we arrived at the entrance of the venue, I shook hands with my uncles and aunties, and with the cousins. They all bowed as they took my hand, and one attempted to kiss my hand!! Whoa! Yes, OK. I know, it's a polite gesture, required almost, especially to your eldest. But I was a bit appalled. I used to do that!! And now they're doing that to me!! Oh! Noooooo......

As usual, I was oblivious to who's who. They all looked like strangers to me. But then there was one guy I gawked at. Tall, fair, young, very handsome. I was gobsmacked! He was the one who tried to kiss my hand. Hmm...I didn't give a second thought, maybe he's from the other side of the family. I really had no idea who he was, but he was so darn cute!!

As we took our place at the table and gobbled the nasi minyak (its was good, by the way!), sister asked if I saw my youngest aunt's only son. Oh yes, him, the little one. I said 'no' and she pointed out to the "tall, fair, young, very handsome" guy I gawked at for a moment at the entrance. Yes, the one who attempted to kiss my hand. That one?? Your kidding!! That's my cousin?? The little Chinese-looking kid I used to carry around??

Seriously.

I felt old.

My Gawd has he grown!!

Again. I feel old.

The whole way home, I was in denial. He can't be that boy!! Impossible!! I told sister, I doubt he knows who I am, but she is convinced he does. After all, I am the eldest. Everybody knows the elsdest.

Gosh! I was in awe! He's all grown. Done with college. Working. He's a man!! He's hawt!

And he was my (little) cousin!! Whoa!!

I'm old.

Sh*t!