Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Gurl Pow-wow

november 18, 08 tuesday

There's a reason why I don't have very many friends, particularly female friends. We tend to back-stab each other, and the politics among women take a whole new meaning. I've had a learning experience when it comes to having close female friends...when there's more than 3 in the group you confide in, there's bound to be trouble.

It's no secret having close female friends whom you get to see every weekend, is a joy. The bond shared between women can never be compared with. We understand the challenges women go through, at work, with husbands/boyfriends, with kids, with the in-laws, etc. There's nothing like having a gaggle of girls who really understand and sympathise with what your going through. A little different than the boys...They just go, "Relax bro! Come, have a beer!" Where else with women, you get the undying emotional support you fail to get from the guys.

I've been in that situation too, where I thought this couldn't be any more perfect...I have lots of girlfriends, and I'm never short of love and support. Who needs men when you have your gurls?? During my difficult years, I admit my girlfriends were my strength. Hanging out with them made my life a little bearable and the challenges in my life at the time a little easier. As the years passed, other men entered the picture as boyfriends....and that was when the "all-girl pow-wow" slowly turned sour. Especially when your not too keen on the guy your girlfriend is dating. Or when she keeps bringing him along to the pow wows. You're thinking, him again. Doesn't he have his own friends?? All of a sudden there's all you girls...and one guy. And there goes the fun. When you tell your girlfriend, she either sulks or decides not to bring him the next time. Eventually, she stops hanging out with you girls too.

What's worse, is when you start bitching about your other girlfriend(s). Women are worst at keeping secrets. We must tell. The stories will come out, and the back stabbing/politics begin...she says you, you say her. And you stop hanging out together. What started out as a close network of girls having a good time, ended up turning into a group of girls who loathe each other. This is why most women have little friends. Unlike guys who can hate each other but still go out for drinks together. They're not emotional creatures, and don't take anything to heart. Unlike us women, we bruise easily.

I was having lunch with my long-time friend Ain today. She's one of my very few girlfriends I can trust and depend on, and she is fiercely loyal to our friendship, which I truly appreciate. She's recently re-connected with a bunch of girls from school (whom I know too) and they have developed a strong friendship over a few months, sharing even their deepest secrets with each other and getting unconditional support. Two of the girls popped by, and as they yakked and laughed away, I couldn't help thinking how long this new found closeness is going to last. They have repeatedly invited me to join them for lunches/dinners/holidays etc. I keep coming up with excuses mainly because I have never been comfortable around new people. It takes me a while to warm up. I am reluctant to be a part of this group, because somehow, deep inside I know how this is all going to end. I don't want to be part of that anymore. Though I love to see women like them together, I have lost faith that they will be close friends forever. Family will get in the way. Or work will take you away. Or the internal politics I see in so many female circles, will destroy the friendship. And soon, you drift away, and eventually become strangers.

I am happy they have found each other. But I am also happy to have lunch/dinner/coffee with just one or two girlfriends, at a time.

Women can be your best friends...but they also can be your worst enemy. I sincerely hope these bunch of girls prove me wrong, and be best friends forever.