All Cut Up

august 27, 08 wednesday
I've been seeing my trusted OB/GYN Dr Hamid for a while now in hopes to start a family with husband J. I am one of the 'lucky' women finding getting pregnant a challenging task. I've always known that pregnancy can never come easy with me, and I was almost certain that I will never be a mother. But these days, there are tonnes of options so I thought I shouldn't completely close off the idea of having my own kids. Plus, who wouldn't want children with a tall handsome husband like J??

My periods have never been regular, except for the 3 years I was on the Pill while at college. So from way back then, I knew I was infertile. My first visit to Dr Hamid some 10 years ago found me with acute PCOS with a retroverted (tilted) uterus. He couldn't find my left ovary because it was covered in cysts. I never went back to him for a follow up because I really wasn't interested to improve my fertility. 10 years later, I went back and found zero cysts (thanks to the gym!) but with the same retroverted uterus. This time, closing in on 40, I've decided to take my fertility a little serious. I told the good doctor I want to correct my uterus before I embark on another costly fertility treatment. At least if I still can't conceive after the surgery, then I know being a mother is not meant to be.

I booked a date close to when my period was due. In fact I was so sure I was going to menstruate after the surgery. But the week leading to the surgery date, I started getting nagging abdominal cramps and I panicked that I'd be getting my period when I'm on the operating table. I even had one sleepless night worrying about it!! (The surgery can't take place if you're menstruating).

After driving J up the wall with my paranoia, and with a lot of prayers, I admitted myself to Pantai Medical Centre Bangsar and prepared myself for the mini surgery. I've read up enough about the procedure that I could probably do it myself!! It'll be a 45 minute surgery, with one hour prior, to put me on general anesthetic.

Come Monday morning, the nurse instructed me to put on my surgical cap and gown and I was whisked away to the operating room. My heart was pounding but I was happy to have this finally done. I am finally taking charge of my fertility!! After waiting for what seemed like an eternity in the surgical waiting room, I was finally wheeled in and moved to the operating table. Up above me were big spotlights all shiny and clean staring down at me. Hmmm...this looks just like on TV! The anesthetician told me he was going to put me under GA and I remember as I was about to shut my eyes, I told myself "here we go!" and went to black.

When I woke up, I felt a stinging pain at the abdominal area, but I was so drugged up I went back to sleep. I woke up again when I heard someone calling my name, and the anesthetician was asking me if i wanted a jab of pain killers. I nodded, they jabbed me, and I went to sleep. I woke up again when I felt like my period was coming out and panicked that the bed was going to be soaked with blood. I reached down and to my relief felt a big fat pad wedged between my legs. Phew!

I was wheeled back in after what seemed like forever at the recovering bay, and was happy to see husband J and Dad. But I was too drugged up to carry a conversation. The first day was hard getting up to go to the bathroom, and I wanted to pee a lot that day. It was still painful to move and pretty much stayed in the same position the entire time. Best friend Liza and sister Maz came by to visit, and later on Dad, but I was too groggy to talk, and so I slept all day.

The second day Maz came in the morning to wash me. Yes, I have a wonderful sister, and for all the challenges in my life, I am still very lucky. The pain subsided a bit and I was able to walk to the bathroom myself. I felt better too. Dr Hamid came by in the morning to give me a brief rundown on the 'work' he'd done. He fixed my uterus (yay!), fixed my tubes, lasered my ovaries, small cysts, and a bit of endo, and fibroids. FIBROIDS?? I didn't know I had fibroids!! It didn't show up in the scan and x-ray I did earlier this year. He gave me the specimen in a bottle and they looked like teeth. They were benign and probably popped out only recently. Funny though, all period symptoms I had were gone, and still no period! Could the operation alter my cycle?? Mom dropped by as she only found out of my operation after coming back from her trip to Russia. We didn't want to tell her as she'll worry and spoil her holiday.

By day 3, I was cleaning myself without any help. The nurse took off the bandage to expose the wound and told me I could go home. I only received the discharge slip 6 hours later. My whole body ached from lying down too much and so I was eager to go home so I could do more walking. Plus I miss the kitties, and having my J sleeping beside me (auwwwwww!).

My left side of the wound is still swollen and it hurts when I put a little pressure on it. I still have to walk very slowly but at least now I can move around. And I know tomorrow will be better.

For now, I hope for a speedy recovery so I can go back to my normal routine as soon as possible! Most importantly, I hope I get my period... soon.