Taking control of the remote control

My youngest brother sure has a wicked sense of humour. He went back to PD to see mom and was looking through the thousands of pictures in mom's albums and came across a picture of me at the height of my ermmm..."plumpness". I'd like to call me at that time as a 'full-figured' woman, but really! Who was I kidding! I was at least 8-10 kilos overweight. I wasn't fat, but I was certainly losing my curves and shape. I am small-framed, so any extra weight on is very visible. I had big boobs and a big butt, a tummy that looked I could be 5 months pregnant (and I was unmarried at that time), plus no waist. In short, I looked like an out of shape penguin! So little brother Jen decided to snap that picture and sent it to me.

When I got the picture, I was horrified!! It has been almost 5 years since I dropped the weight and maintained a healthy lifestyle. In fact, I am so paranoid now to be that size again, I am obsessed with my workouts. I showed that picture to Husband J, who has always heard about my "fat years" but never witnessed it. His eyes were wide-open and asked,"OMG! How on earth did you let yourself go like that??" I didn't know how to answer, because as I remember, I just was. People around me commented how "healthy" I looked, but I wasn't aware (or in denial), and kept on wearing the tight tops and tight skirts wherever I went. In my mind, I was still .....me!
I have always been skinny as a girl. I used to moan how size XS was like wearing a tent! I could eat a horse in one sitting, but never gained weight. I kept that love for food, but my metabolism stopped working one day, and boom! Suddenly I have ass! And boobs!! And a tummy, and was wearing size L, straight from size S. I hit a low point in my life. I was miserable. I was unhappy. I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognise the girl staring back. What have I become??

I decided to take charge of my life after giving myself enough excuses not to. I joined the gym. I hired a personal trainer. In 3 months, I dropped about 4 kilos. Doesn't seemed a lot, but on a small-framed girl like me, I looked like I shrunk. Slowly the shape came back, along with some muscle definition. All of a sudden, I looked toned! And I was liking this look better!


That picture is still in my phone, to serve me as painful reminder of what it took to get me where I am today. To remind me never again, at whatever cost, to lose control again. I know how difficult it is to lose weight. Looking at me now, you wouldn't guess that I too, struggled with weight issues. The difference was, I stopped making excuses. My body now is a testiment of my commitment, determination and pure hard work. Never, ever again will I lose control!
After all, I am holding the remote control of my life!

xoxo,
puss.inheels@yahoo.com

Mercyyyyyyyy!!!!!

november 3, 08 monday
Oii!

Have mercy on me!!

Today was my first day back at the gym. This time, I am at a new gym, so Trainer Ela helped me out with registration, which was virtually no fuss, and paid Ela in full amount for 12-sessions training this month. Had to update his paperwork as well, since I did undergo surgery.

So I was as gung-ho as ever. He took my measurements - I didn't 'expand' too much, took my weight....whoa! That's all?? I know I've put on weight, so I must've have been skinnier a month ago. Eew. This is the skinniest I've been, and I know it's because I've lost all my muscle mass. Sigh. My body fat percentage is normal. Hummmpphh. I wished I could see some positive changes in that! I did my flexibility test - struggled! That was kinda hard. And painful!! I am so stiff!!

And then Ela put me on the bike. Level 2, by the 7th minute I was huffing and puffing. By the 15th, I wanted to drop and die. This is torture! Ela had to drop to level 1!! I was determined to complete the 20 minutes. And so I peddled and peddled, and huffed, and was sweating...

My mouth felt dry. Need water... need water...Oii!! Help!!

How did I do this 2 months ago?? Ah yes....I was fit as a fiddle!! By the time the timer hit 20 minutes, I was ready to drop on the floor!! I can't believe how unfit the 2 months of recuperating has made me!! What's worse, I had to peddle for another 2 more minutes, on level 1, to cool down. That was like a total of 22 minutes on the bike!!!! Oiii!!

The whole session took about an hour, stretched myself and my legs felt like they've been pulled in many directions!! I got home, and on the bed I stayed! I am so tired!!

My next session is on Wednesday, and that's when we start the programme. I am appalled at my fitness level. So I hope it won't take too long for Ela to whip me back in shape.

For today, I am just going to chill...and hope that I won't get up with aches and pains tomorrow.

Dang! I feel like I just ran a marathon!!

Ready, Set...

november 2, 08 sunday
It's been over 2 months since my surgery, and honestly, the recuperating period has seized almost all activities that kept me busy. Now, I'm back into most of them again, and tomorrow, I'm starting my first session again at the gym with Trainer Ela.

I. Can't. Wait.

In my 4 years of gym-going, this is the longest break I've taken. I've shrunk. Put on fat around my belly (where else!) and have gotten back my 'chicken wings'.

sigh

Tomorrow is also my first day at the new gym. Sister Maz is quite happy with the machines and such. Anything is better than Clark Hatch Hilton PJ, I suppose. So I am looking forward to tomorrow's session, although Ela is just going to do an assessment and show me the machines. Will take less than a hour.

I'm happy to be back.

I feel like a pot-bellied pig.

Any longer, I'll look like a pot-bellied pig!!

sigh

I want my toned body back!!

Gym Blues

august 11, 08 monday
I've been training with trainer Ela at Clark Hatch at the Hilton PJ for almost 3 years now, and for a good couple of years, I had no issues. It was pretty much training and go back. I didn't even socialise that much, except for an odd "hello's" here and there. For a little while, that gym felt like my second home. The staff were friendly and they know you by name. A far cry from the very impersonal Celebrity Fitness gym I went to before.

Then they went 24 hours, and it went downhill. The gym was never in order. There were mosquitoes attacking you when you train in the morning. It was dusty that when I had to lie on the floor, I'd sneeze and my eye would itch badly. Of course, there were barbells and weights all over the floor for you to trip over. It was a mess. And complaints about the condition to the centre manager only went to deaf ears. The Clark Hatch management was also discriminating towards freelance trainers. In the end, Ela and his clients have to dish out an extra RM100 a month to keep their mouths shut. I didn't really mind, as all I wanted was to train in peace. But for an extra RM100, I would expect better facilities and service.

Ela has been getting a lot of heartache from the in-house trainers as well. Jealousy. Spite. You name it. It has become increasingly difficult for any of us to train in peace. I don't know what the issue is really. We've mind our own business. Ela has not stolen any of their clients. We've been polite and cooperative. It's starting to feel like a detention camp and our patience has grown thin. So lately, Ela's been looking around for another gym to re-locate.

Today at training, Ela told me of his plans to move us out of Clark Hatch PJ. He's found a nice gym nearby, spacious, with good equipments and plenty of space to stretch. According to Ela, they have a stretching room!! Finding space to do your stretching at Clark Hatch PJ is a luxury so knowing that this other gym has a specific room for it is a delight!!

I don't want to jinx this so I won't indulge more. Let's wait till we all re-locate then I can spill the beans!!

All we want to do is train in peace, and not be involved or hear about the politics among the gym staff. And be treated with respect as members.. we're not even getting that. It's a real shame. I liked Clark Hatch. But they really should start going back to basics on what the gym was built on - great customer service. Something other bigger gyms seriously lack. Clark Hatch PJ was ideal for those who despise mega gyms (like I do!) and want to train in private. But now, with the run-down equipments, small space and bad service, I'm afraid Clark Hatch PJ has lost its sparkle. The sad part is? It doesn't look like it's going to improve.

Good riddance, Clark Hatch PJ!

The gym

july 4, 08 friday
I had a few new plans when I just resigned. One of them was to go to the gym more often. More like everyday. So far, have not done everyday, but have done 4 times a week. Which is a good start, no? Furthermore, I now have an iPod. That keeps me going for at least an hour.

So on Tuesday, which is not a regular gym day, I had my gym bag packed and was ready to go. Grabbed my iPod and off I went. In the car, I decided to put the iPod on, just to listen to a song. (Dangerous, I know. Got a third degree from husband J when he found out!) Anyway, I switched it on, pressed play. Nothing. Pressed play again. Nothing. Switched off and on again. Nothing. Oi!! What is going on?? What is this shitty luck I have with this iPod?? I was contemplating whether or not I should continue driving to the gym. I can't go without my iPod! Just like I can't workout without trainer Ela, pre-iPod days! sigh. So what's a girl to do?? Turn back, of course! I was still gung-ho about going to the gym that evening. So I thought, maybe the battery's dead. Go home, charge it (I was convinced it wouldn't take long to charge), and head out to the gym. It was still early, after all. I'd be done before traffic starts.

So I got home, switched on my laptop, and plugged in my iPod. Ahh!! The light on the iPod is orange. According to the instruction book, orange means charging. OK, I wait. 15 minutes later, it was still charging. Half hour later, still charging. An hour later, the light's still orange! I realised this was going to take awhile, like charging the phone, I guess. So I decided to cancel gym that day!!

Here I am on a Friday, which I earlier decided to hit the gym in the morning, because I suddenly turn lazy on Fridays. I'm looking at the time, looks like it'll be another no-show at the gym! Even with the iPod working! Oh! Well! I was good this week though, turning up the required 3 times a week with trainer Ela. Maybe, this week, I chill for a bit. And start self training on non-Ela days next week...

Hmm...

We'll see how it goes...

The smell of freedom

june 6, 08 friday
I was preparing for a recording when Boss Anu came in with surprising news - next Friday is my last day at work!! I couldn't contain my excitement an let out a yelp. My two other co-hosts were none than happy, shoulders slumped forward. I almost felt for them, not that they will not have my grumpiness anymore, but that they still have to do the show and work there. We have many times discussed how we'd like to move on and I was the only one fortunate enough to do so.

I did one week's worth of recording, and promptly left. Anu hinted that perhaps I should wait around for the other two to finish, but I left anyway. I'm heartless that way, I guess. I think they are hoping I turn up on Monday night after they're done with their 'role meeting'. I don't know. I am really not interested to pop by after gym. After all, Monday is gym day. And you know how much I love gym days....*groan*

I told husband J that next week is my last week. He thought how I was told was a bit rude. Yeah, well. That's just how the office does things. I actually like working under Anu. She's a pretty good boss. In my 12 years of being a talent, I've worked with some dimwits as bosses. So I appreciate Anu.

I mentioned this to J as well, when I was leaving the studio, I felt sad. It was weird. I haven't even left yet, have another week to go in fact and yet I was feeling a little sad. For a tiny moment, I actually questioned my decision to leave. I'm sure I will feel a little bad when the day comes, but as we speak (or write), I am soooo excited to end my 12 years, not on air, but with the office/station.

Anyway! 'Point is, another chapter of my life is opening sooner than I thought.

And I know it'll be good.

*smile*

A week of sorts

may 30, 08 friday
Another week has gone by. And this week hasn't been all that uneventful. Plus, it brings us to the end of May.

Besides the sty (read last blog), let me run down in brief how the week went...

The other boys (trainers) at the gym also noticed the mat salleh (read past blog) has been openly checking me out. So what did his trainer do? Introduced us, very casually. So now I know his name, and what he does for a living. I find it flattering. I mean, c'mon! I'm closing in on the big 4-0 and some dude finds me hot?? I text husband J: ugly white guy ogling at your wife. Husband's reply: Blow him a kiss. I showed husband J's reply to Trainer Ela. He burst out laughing. Hmm. During my last session, I noticed the mat salleh at the gym was still ogling, but a little more controlled. He looked flustered. I think he knows the boys are teasing him. Well, at least my time at the gym this week was a bit of a lark...and not so mundane.

Moving on...

The buzz with my aging neighbours was the fence between my house and my right-side neighbour and my neighbour living behind me was violated. There were holes made so that whoever can slid in and out. Husband J has managed to fix the fence but these days we're a bit more vigilant with locking doors and windows. Nothing was taken or vandalised and we hope nothing will happen ever. These are tough times we live in. Malaysia is a faaaar cry from what it was 10, 15 years ago.

Had a huuuuge fight with husband J, something worth writing about! But, I won't dish details! I was so determined not to speak to him for a few days, but the next night, my heart melted when I saw husband J curled in bed, lights off at 8:30pm!! Auwwww! And he said he had a miserable day! Auwwwww! I just could not stay mad any longer. So, the 'cold war' ended. My life would be so meaningless without this man!

Work was as painful. This week, more than any other weeks, I was incredibly tired. Getting up in the (very early!) morning has been harder than ever. I get to work, I sit in the car for 5 minutes before dragging myself to the studio, and spent the whole 6 am hour with my head on the table (most of the hour is usually recorded. Gotta love technology!!). It's hard being at work. It's even harder pretending you're having a good time doing the show, when the truth is your heart isn't in it anymore. The topline survey results came out. We lost 50,000 listeners, which isn't a huge amount, but we slipped back to no. 3 from no. 2. Honestly, I was happy we slipped. Proved my point that we suck. And I hope the station will eventually die. Hah! Wishful thinking...

Still no sign of 'Auntie Flow'. Body still uncomfortable... Still aching...

Got my first ipod. I know, I'm a little left behind...Oh! Well! I'm not a gadget chick at all. Husband J received a free piece from his 'team building' trip to Langkawi. He already has one-bigger, better, cooler. Naturally...*eyes rolling* So what did the good husband do, give the new ipod to wife! It's tiny, I can clip it on my collar. But it's only 1 GB. Yeah! Like that means anything to me. So we spent half the night downloading songs I wanted to upload onto my small ipod, and so far I think I have like 26 songs. I'm not a huge fan of music (and I work in radio!), so I'm not too fussed about putting in more songs. I doubt I'll use the ipod often, like I see most people do.

Oh yes. The Mac iBook husband J passed on to me? It died. It had problems charging, so we took it to the shop, and a week later, the shop told us we have to pay RM3,000 to fix the motherboard (which was the reason why it couldn't charge properly). So we said "no thanks", brought it home, and now we couldn't charge at all!! Aaarrrrggghhhhhhhh!!!!

Wrapped up the work week with a mean plate of rissolles, the great Australian dish. Or so husband J claims... But damn! I make awesome rissolles! He he...

Thank Gawd it's Friday!

may 23, 08 friday
It's been a normal week. Of course normal for me is dragging myself though the week. Monday was Wesak, so the week was slightly shorter. Thank Gawd!

Let's see...

Besides the week being a bit shorter, I noticed one (ugly!) mat salleh ogling at me at the gym. I've seen him off and on only lately. Even Trainer Ela noticed him staring. So hopefully, it wasn't my belly that got his attention (OK, I was trying to be humble).

Certain parts of my body are aching. 'Aunt Flow' will be flowing to town again. I thought this was going back to a long (if not longer) cycle, but looks like it's coming to town by next week. Hope this predictability keeps up.

Ate too much.

Watched the latest Indiana Jones movie. It didn't blow me away. In fact, I didn't like it at all. I was aching to go 45 minutes into the movie. I wanted to like it so badly because I loved all the other ones, but really! In my opinion, it sucks, a tad bit.

American Idol season 7 Finals Performance night saw the younger David Archuletta performing better. Cook was a bit of a disappointment. My heart broke. It seemed pretty clear at that point who will come out the winner.

American Idol season 7 crowned my new boyfriend (!!!) David Cook the winner. Yay! Watched the final show and was completely blown away by George Michael's moving performance of his hit "Praying For Time".

Grumpy.

My youngest brother got a scare when his urine mixed with blood. Suspected dengue. My heart sank. Did blood test. Doctor confirmed later that day it wasn't dengue, but urinary tract infection. Thank Gawd! He is recovering well.

Met up with ex-colleague Carol, but only for an hour, maybe less. Haven't seen her since my wedding. Bitched to her about work, and co-worker(s). Thinking now, maybe I should have played it cool. Meeting her up again next Friday for dinner.

Hate work.

Hate work.

Hate work.

Broke.

Hate work!

The battle of the Pouch

april 21, 08 monday
Some people may call in 'Battle of the Bulge'. But I'm in denial. Mine is more of a pouch. For as long as I can remember, I was skinny and flat like an airport runaway. I was so skinny that I was so unattractive. No curves, nothing. Except for a tummy. Granted it wasn't big then, but still the pouch was there.

Things got out of hand when I hit the 30's. I love being a 30-something but it was a time when my metabolism halted. I packed on the pounds and at 1.61m, I was heaviest at 65kg. From a US size 6, to a US size 10, I was completely out of shape!

So I started working out. 4 years later, I'm still working out. With a trainer, no less. My workouts were intense at 75%. After the diagnose and therapy with my gynae Dr Hamid, Trainer Ela dropped the intensity to 55% minimum. My body shrunk, and I lost 2 kilos of my muscle mass. Not good. Because it's too easy now to turn the lost muscles into fat. Doesn't really help that I have pig-out weekends.

So I am appalled to see this picture I took in the morning (aren't you supposed to be the slimmest in the a.m??). This was after 2 slices of wholemeal breads with peanut butter and a cup of coffee. (Haven't dropped the 'kids' at the pool yet). Sigh. That pouch is so killing my mojo! What the hell is that?? Here's another picture from another angle (actually this picture don't look so bad....):
I remember reading an interview with Carmen Electra who said her pouch was her biggest problem, and she used to work out like crazy to get a flat stomach. Now she just embraces it because the pouch represents womanhood.

Perhaps she's right. The pouch on a woman represents her role as a mother. But I'm not pregnant (yet!) and I still want a flat stomach, embracing womanhood or not!

Grapes and edamame for dinner from now on??