Gurl Pow-wow

november 18, 08 tuesday
3.42pm

There's a reason why I don't have very many friends, particularly female friends. We tend to back-stab each other, and the politics among women take a whole new meaning. I've had a learning experience when it comes to having close female friends...when there's more than 3 in the group you confide in, there's bound to be trouble.

It's no secret having close female friends whom you get to see every weekend, is a joy. The bond shared between women can never be compared with. We understand the challenges women go through, at work, with husbands/boyfriends, with kids, with the in-laws, etc. There's nothing like having a gaggle of girls who really understand and sympathise with what your going through. A little different than the boys...They just go, "Relax bro! Come, have a beer!" Where else with women, you get the undying emotional support you fail to get from the guys.

I've been in that situation too, where I thought this couldn't be any more perfect...I have lots of girlfriends, and I'm never short of love and support. Who needs men when you have your gurls?? During my difficult years, I admit my girlfriends were my strength. Hanging out with them made my life a little bearable and the challenges in my life at the time a little easier. As the years passed, other men entered the picture as boyfriends....and that was when the "all-girl pow-wow" slowly turned sour. Especially when your not too keen on the guy your girlfriend is dating. Or when she keeps bringing him along to the pow wows. You're thinking, him again. Doesn't he have his own friends?? All of a sudden there's all you girls...and one guy. And there goes the fun. When you tell your girlfriend, she either sulks or decides not to bring him the next time. Eventually, she stops hanging out with you girls too.

What's worse, is when you start bitching about your other girlfriend(s). Women are worst at keeping secrets. We must tell. The stories will come out, and the back stabbing/politics begin...she says you, you say her. And you stop hanging out together. What started out as a close network of girls having a good time, ended up turning into a group of girls who loathe each other. This is why most women have little friends. Unlike guys who can hate each other but still go out for drinks together. They're not emotional creatures, and don't take anything to heart. Unlike us women, we bruise easily.

I was having lunch with my long-time friend Ain today. She's one of my very few girlfriends I can trust and depend on, and she is fiercely loyal to our friendship, which I truly appreciate. She's recently re-connected with a bunch of girls from school (whom I know too) and they have developed a strong friendship over a few months, sharing even their deepest secrets with each other and getting unconditional support. Two of the girls popped by, and as they yakked and laughed away, I couldn't help thinking how long this new found closeness is going to last. They have repeatedly invited me to join them for lunches/dinners/holidays etc. I keep coming up with excuses mainly because I have never been comfortable around new people. It takes me a while to warm up. I am reluctant to be a part of this group, because somehow, deep inside I know how this is all going to end. I don't want to be part of that anymore. Though I love to see women like them together, I have lost faith that they will be close friends forever. Family will get in the way. Or work will take you away. Or the internal politics I see in so many female circles, will destroy the friendship. And soon, you drift away, and eventually become strangers.

I am happy they have found each other. But I am also happy to have lunch/dinner/coffee with just one or two girlfriends, at a time.

Women can be your best friends...but they also can be your worst enemy. I sincerely hope these bunch of girls prove me wrong, and be best friends forever.
*smirk*

xoxo

DEEEEE!!!!

october 29, 08 wednesday
I was going through some old college notes one day. I was impressed with some of my work!! It was obvious which classes I liked and which classes I disliked. That put a smile on my face as I jogged down memory lane. I regretted I didn't keep all my class notes for the 4 years I was in the US. But among the pile of papers, I found a piece of note with a hand-written poem, unsigned.

I instantly knew who it was from, despite it being unsigned. And I remember when it was given to me.

I was friends with this guy called Dennis. I used to call him "Dee", just for fun. Dee obviously had a thing for me because he was constantly trying to be around me. And he looked like he enjoyed my teasing him. Dee was also intrigued at the way I danced. I was a little exhibitionist at the time, loved showing off on the dance floor. I thought I was a fantastic dancer, but God knows what the other folks thought!! But I didn't care!! We became fast friends and soon enough Dee looked like he was smitten. At college, I was quite popular. Especially with the boys. I had them practically eating out of my hands. My college years were predominantly about boys, boys and more boys! I had more male friends than I did female friends, I knew I was cute and I worked it, and enjoyed the attention. And Dee was giving me a lot of attention!!

But I wasn't interested, not so much at least. But I failed to tell Dee that. So I lead the poor boy on. I think he knew there could never be anything more with me, so he wrote me a poem. I remember reading it and thanked him, and stuffing it in one of the files.

After a while, Dee became a tad bit frustrated when he constantly saw me on campus with a guy. I was always with some guy. Walking, talking, having lunch. That was me at college. It bothered him. And he made it clear to me. That was a turning point...because I remember feeling a little suffocated. So I did what I use to do best back then - avoid the poor boy...like the plague! I came back to KL for summer hols, went back to Wichita and didn't call him. When Dee found out, he was livid. I was indifferent. (I was already interested in someone else).

So that was pretty much the end of Dee in my young college life.

Today, when I read the poem, I felt so much guilt for being such a... b!tch. His only mistake then was to fall in love with me. I felt bad. I wish I knew better back then how to treat people. The poem was sad, and many years on, I finally understood what he was trying to tell me. He was heartbroken. He was in pain, because he could never have me. I didn't see it then.

I thought I should search him, and I thought if I can't find him on FB, then I've lost him. Lo and behold!! Dee's on FB. I shot him a message. He wrote back. We chatted. It was good. He was as excited as I was that we reconnected.

He's in LA now as a microbiologist, has a 10 year-old daughter and has a gorgeous lady. I'm so happy he's doing well. And I'm so happy to be back in touch with him.

I don't have many regrets in my life, but if I could turn back time, I would have been a bit more honest and not hurt him the way I did. We can only learn from our past mistakes. And hope not to repeat them in the future.

xoxo

Just a Google away!

september 3, 08 wednesday
Staying home recovering after a minor operation gives you plenty of time to....cyber stalk!! And that's exactly what I've been doing this week or so. And what better search engine to do in all from - Google! It's a amazing what stuff it brings you!! Just type the name and voila!!

When I was about 16 years old, when things at home weren't so peaceful, I used to write short stories to escape. Reading back some of the stories I wrote, they were a fascinating insight into my teenage world. I used to write in Malay a lot when I was younger, and would send my pieces to major teenage magazines. They were never good enough to be published I guess, but my effort got the attention of the magazines' editor. I was invited to attend the very competitive and prestigious 'Minggu Remaja' where about 20 under-18 budding writers were given intensive training on technical know-how on writing. That one week was priceless. I met so many talented young writers, established writers, and learned so many new things. I met one of the former participants and was completely taken by his presence. Faizal was 3 years older and at the time, was about to leave for Canada. We took one picture together and that was all it took to get this 16 year-old completely smitten. After the workshop, I only heard from him once. Many years later after I graduated and came home to my first job, I saw his name in a Malay daily as the reporting journalist. I wasn't too surprised, Faizal didn't stray away from the writing world too much! Last night I Googled his name and to my horror, there were blogs dedicated to him - Faizal passed away last year due to diabetic complications. My heart tanked. Life is just too short..

Another Google search was to my childhood memory, Zamani. He was one of the older guys who grew up in the neighbourhood and coloured my adolescent life. I've known Zamani for ages, but we only became really good friends when I was 15 years old. We'd call each other often and talked for ages about anything. At the time, he was the funniest guy I know. Even when we lived close by and were calling each other, we would write letters! And they were hilarious!! I was so fond of that man, I went all out and made him a birthday card on his birthday!! That became the talk among the other neighbourhood guys!! And on my 16th, he baked me a chocolate cake (he was a budding chef)! He broke my heart when he told me one day (after not calling me for yonks) that he was getting married. Granted, there was never anything romantic between us, but I was devastated. I thought he would always remained mine. For some odd reason, his name suddenly popped up in my head, and so I Googled. Got an on-line diary of his (new) wife trailing back to their engagement to their wedding, their pregnancy right up to their first born daughter. I was happy for him, as I knew he struggled through his first marriage. He's doing well, runs a restaurant down south...at least this Google search brought me happy news.

My third Google search/stalking was on Shane Dennis. OK, our paths never did cross, but I had a bit of a crush on this guy!! Shane was a baseball player for Wichita State. And he was in my class. To have a Shocker baseball player in the same class was a big deal! And he was kinda cute!! Though I remember him checking me out while I was walking on campus and he was on the buggy in full baseball uniform going to the baseball pitch. That was my only claim to fame where college jocks are concerned!! And that made my day!

According to Google, Shane moved on to play major league and then to Japan to play professionally.

Now he's back at WSU with the Baseball Operations office. No idea if he's married (I'm sure he is though). Saw a 1999 picture of him and made me smile.

*image courtesy of jamd.com

Boy! College was fun!!

What a way to pass time, eh?

Found!

june 28, 08 saturday
I am ecstatic! I just got in contact with an old classmate!!

Well, he actually found me...through Facebook (FB). This dude, whom I fondly called 'Don' (his surname) was my bench mate for the longest time. We sat next to each other during Primary 4 when he frequently used his ball pen to poke my arm and made marks on my white school shirt, and punched my shoulders (no kidding!). I was a bit of a girly girl at 10 years old so I didn't retaliate. We were bench mates again during Primary 6. By this time, I had turned into a tomboy so it was my turn to beat him up!! Ha ha!

Don was like any other 12 year-old: scrawny, with big eyes and the Beatle haircut. We got along, like as if we had a choice. He'd pull a prank every once in a while, and I'd punch him when his pranks worked. It was that sort of relationship. My Gawd! That brought a smile to my face!!

We went our separate ways after Primary school, and I never heard from him since. Until today!!

It's so cool how everyone is slowly re-connecting!

Connecting the dots

june 12, 08 thursday
Not too long ago I was adamant about not joining the Facebook (FB) community. Somewhere down the line I changed my tune and signed up. Then I was consumed. It was FB first thing in the morning, even before coffee, FB in the mid-day, FB before and after lunch, FB at tea, FB at dawn, FB before I retire for the day. I slept, ate and breathe FB. Then I got bored. I wasn't really into sending cupcakes, or flowers, or giving a wet willie to my friends. My list grew. Honestly, I have more fans wanting to be in my list then I do real friends. I was this close to deleting my profile, because after awhile all I ever did was deleting stupid, repetitive posts.

I stopped myself though. My friend, Ain, told me she keeps her FB account for networking, to keep in touch with friends, some of whom she's not seen since school days. Ever since FB, she's re-connected with more old friends and this keeps her in the loop. That made me think (gasp!). I may not have very many friends in my list, but what FB has done is get me re-connected with my cousins.

Here's the deal: I am not a family person, and I am not ashamed to admit that. The only family important to me is my immediate family members. Everyone else do not play any part in my life. Which explains why it is incredibly hard for me to go visit relatives even during Eid, and how I make plans deliberately on the day we have the big family gathering. This is me. I place no importance in my extended family. And every get-together with them had been very awkward and boring.

Nowadays, with FB, we chat, we sent messages, we share recipes, for crying out loud! It's so great! It's like me getting to know my cousins slowly again and hopefully when we meet next it won't be so awkward. This connection trough FB has given a new meaning to family, for me, at least.

I am excited today because my long lost cousin Shah in Adelaide has decided to open an FB account. Though we've not seen each other in close to 20 years now, Shah and I have been corresponding through email for the last 2 years. It's so wonderful to get back in touch with him! I sent him an invitation to FB, and many months later, he hopped on. And he's excited to get in touch with his other Malaysian cousins. So, I sent a mass email to the cousins, telling them to add Shah into their list. Everyone immediately jumped on it. Everyone was excited! Finally, we got to know Shah all over again. He's not the 'long, lost' cousin anymore!

And to think I helped to connect the dots...

*BIG HUGE SMILE*

Thank Gawd it's Friday!

may 23, 08 friday
It's been a normal week. Of course normal for me is dragging myself though the week. Monday was Wesak, so the week was slightly shorter. Thank Gawd!

Let's see...

Besides the week being a bit shorter, I noticed one (ugly!) mat salleh ogling at me at the gym. I've seen him off and on only lately. Even Trainer Ela noticed him staring. So hopefully, it wasn't my belly that got his attention (OK, I was trying to be humble).

Certain parts of my body are aching. 'Aunt Flow' will be flowing to town again. I thought this was going back to a long (if not longer) cycle, but looks like it's coming to town by next week. Hope this predictability keeps up.

Ate too much.

Watched the latest Indiana Jones movie. It didn't blow me away. In fact, I didn't like it at all. I was aching to go 45 minutes into the movie. I wanted to like it so badly because I loved all the other ones, but really! In my opinion, it sucks, a tad bit.

American Idol season 7 Finals Performance night saw the younger David Archuletta performing better. Cook was a bit of a disappointment. My heart broke. It seemed pretty clear at that point who will come out the winner.

American Idol season 7 crowned my new boyfriend (!!!) David Cook the winner. Yay! Watched the final show and was completely blown away by George Michael's moving performance of his hit "Praying For Time".

Grumpy.

My youngest brother got a scare when his urine mixed with blood. Suspected dengue. My heart sank. Did blood test. Doctor confirmed later that day it wasn't dengue, but urinary tract infection. Thank Gawd! He is recovering well.

Met up with ex-colleague Carol, but only for an hour, maybe less. Haven't seen her since my wedding. Bitched to her about work, and co-worker(s). Thinking now, maybe I should have played it cool. Meeting her up again next Friday for dinner.

Hate work.

Hate work.

Hate work.

Broke.

Hate work!

Weekend Delight!

april 27, 08 sunday
I never thought I'd be excited about cooking. Not too long ago, the kitchen was the last place I want to be in. These days, it's a different story altogether!

Best friend Liza told me about Potato Gratin, which I thought was easy enough to do. The only thing that kept me from making it sooner was the fact it was potato+cream+cheese= 1 million calories= a lot of kilos=many hours at the gym. You get my drift.

But this weekend, I thought of giving it a go. After all, husband J is all game to try whatever I cook, so I picked up a couple of bags of Russet Potatoes (which I found out later was a wee bit too much), 1 litre carton of whipping cream (too much as well-should've bought 2 small sized cartons instead) and a bag of shredded cheddar cheese (J's favourite). So here we go.

Sliced the potatoes, arranged them in a tray. Salt and pepper. Pour a bit of whipping cream. Topped with shredded cheddar cheese. Repeat. Ah....easy enough. I got 2 layers and I had a bit more slices of potatoes left so I decided to keep those for tomorrow's dinner.

Bake, bake, bake. 40 minutes. The kitchen smells wonderful. The top layer browning nicely. Cool! Another success story in the kitchen! And this is how it turned out:

Dig in! Half way through chowing down this extremely rich dish, husband J pointed out this would make a great side dish with steaks. I agreed. But that didn't stop us from stuffing ourselves silly! We couldn't finish the entire tray, so we thought...hmmmm...steak dinner tomorrow...

Sunday. Another day to experiment in the kitchen. Thawed out the steaks I bought at Tesco this week. Plucked a couple of fresh Thai Rosemary nicely growing in our garden, chopped garlic, cut carrots, tomato and big yellow onions.

Marinated veggies with herbs, salt, pepper and olive oil. Marinated steaks with garlic,herbs, salt, pepper and a bit of soy sauce.

Pre-heated oven. Stick veggies in the oven for 40 minutes or so at 220 degrees. Fry steaks. Put left over potato gratin in oven for 5 minutes.

Taa daa!

Dinner is ready!

I used up the extra sliced potatoes from yesterday, sprinkle salt, pepper, parsley and paprika and roasted with the vegetables.Instant meat gravy, courtesy of McCormick's!!

The entire house was smelling of rosemary! It was beautiful! And dinner was a hit! Steaks were just right. The carrots were awesome and the onions were sweet. And of course, the left over potato gratin.

It's crazy! I actually know how to cook! And I'm loving it!

Who would've thought!